Head Strong | Proof a son's head is far from dismal adult events

By Michael Smerconish

 

I just picked up my 11-year-old namesake from sleepaway summer camp in New Hampshire.

 

He'd been away for five weeks, and writing letters is not his forte, so I wasn't sure what to expect when I and his grandfather picked him up.

 

The second I saw his Mohawk haircut, I knew all was well.

 

Notwithstanding his mother's shock and horror, I'm elated. And not just due to follicle envy.

 

My son's restyling told me his head had been in the right place while playing sports and living in the woods. Better there than where we adults have been, swamped in some dismal headlines this summer of 2007.

 

He's been swimming, boating, playing tennis, making friends and eating Fluffernutter sandwiches, far removed from significant events during what are normally quiet months. So when he asked me what was "new" on the way home, I had to weigh which of the following was worthy of the attention of a preteen:

 

The uncovering of another U.K.-based terror plot earlier this summer;

 

The record pace of homicides in Philadelphia;

 

Professional wrestling's latest plot twist, the murder-suicide of Chris Benoit;

 

The Delaware County native who works as an NBA ref and is now the focus of a law-enforcement inquiry;

 

Or that Michael Vick is being charged with being involved in dogfighting?

 

I decided instead to lead with the news that the Phillies are hanging tough despite continued pitching woes, and the Eagles are back at Lehigh with Donovan McNabb looking strong. I figure my son will have plenty of time later in life for the heavy lifting.

 

This is not to say that his recent exploits have been totally free of stressors.

 

He's had no Internet, played no video games, and watched no TV for weeks.

 

And the 13-year-old barber who created his Mohawk gave him a bit of a scratch on the back of his neck. (Chalk that up to salon immaturity.)

 

It could have been worse. After all, there's that poor camper who lost in a game of Truth or Dare and had to read the daily mail list in front of other campers on a day he'd had to put Icy Hot on his private parts. ("That was rough," my son tells me, "because it was a day when there were lots of packages, Dad.")

 

What exactly do you do with 20 or so bunkmates who may need to get up in the middle of the night? Well, a couple of guys had to run morning sprints because they did not walk the full 20 paces mandated by the unwritten camp rule spelling out the distance one must travel if getting up in the dark and needing some relief.

 

Speaking of sleeping, every night when his head hit the pillow, in a bunk in a cabin just off a glimmering lake, he had to contend with the knowledge that the crimes of the infamous Mary B had never been solved. The counselors not only revealed the camp's origins as what they called a "funny farm" (PC they are not), but also felt it appropriate to share the legend of Mary B with the younger campers. She was an escapee who returned years ago to wreak havoc on the more recent generations of campers. ("It was a huge story a while back," said my son, with more than a hint of surprise that his columnist/talk-show host/news pundit/father had missed this whopper.)

 

And it had to be true, because one of her victims was the brother's sister's cousin's niece ("or something") of one of the current counselors.

 

So it all checks out.

 

By now, of course, it did sound familiar. Only my recollection was that Mary B had an accomplice who had a hook for an arm and ended up terrorizing local couples on Lovers' Lane.

 

Perhaps you're wondering if my son was staying at Camp Granada. No, it was Camp Tecumseh, but Allan Sherman sure would have been proud to hear his tales.

 

Not even a seven-hour delay at the airport when it came time to fly home could have spoiled my pride.

 

Maybe that's because there have been many recent days I've wished I had a Mohawk, and not just because I'm bald.

Michael Smerconish's column appears Thursdays in the Daily News and Sundays in Currents. Michael can be heard from 5:30 to 9 a.m. weekdays on "The Big Talker," WPHT-AM (1210). Contact him via the Web at http://www.mastalk.com.