Michael Smerconish: SUMMER'S MOST SINFUL TREAT
7.10.08
I PREDICT poor sales for trashy novels this summer. Suntan without Danielle Steel in Sea Isle. Summer sans Sidney Sheldon in Ocean City. No need for Nora Roberts in North Wildwood.
And it has nothing to do with gas prices.
Why spring for a shiny-covered novel when you can just devour a daily installment of the Christie Brinkley-Peter Cook divorce trial - for the price of a daily newspaper?
You know the storyline: The Uptown Girl found the fourth time to be no charm after marrying handsome but caddish architect Peter Cook. Turns out he was two-timing her with a high- school hottie while also spending a bundle for online porn.
Cook is a handsome villain straight out of a Ralph Lauren catalog. He met his mistress, Diana Bianchi, when she worked at a toy store - then hired the 18-year-old so he could bed her.
But no amount of heavy petting could satisfy his needs. He has acknowledged a $3,000 monthly tab for online porn, even going so far as to risk blindness by doing the unspeakable in front of a Webcam. One of his online monikers was "happyladdie2002" - and he's not even Irish. If Danielle Steel had invented him, her most ardent fans would be saying she'd pushed the envelope too far.
Ultimately, not even $300K worth of hush money could keep the story under wraps. But just because Cook couldn't keep Bianchi quiet doesn't mean he's biting his tongue. "Shrek was more believable," he muttered to the press after watching his estranged wife testify on day two of the trial.
Brinkley, meanwhile, is playing herself. She's the well-coiffed, voluptuous victim. She tearfully explained how she had learned the news. After delivering the commencement address at Southampton High's 2006 graduation, she was approached by Bianchi's stepdad as she left the podium.
"Suddenly, I heard these words . . . 'That husband of yours just won't knock it off. He's having an affair with my teenage daughter, and that [bleep] won't knock it off,' " Brinkley testified last week.
Now, everybody thinks they know how the drama will end:
She'll get the kids and the money. Brinkley and Cook are fighting over custody of two young children and real estate that could total $60 million-$80 million. One property is a five-acre, six-bedroom beachfront estate purchased by Brinkley via her business - called Whocanya Trust. Honestly.
The press is eating it up. Every move and whisper is recorded for print and TV. The competing lawyers actually appeared on "The Today Show" before heading off to court last week.
But while others are predicting what'll be in the finale, I keep questioning the story arc.
In real life, nobody goes to trial in divorce cases. They settle, which is good, because with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, our judicial system can never handle anything more than a tiny number of trials.
The only other divorce I can think of that didn't settle until it became a spectacle like this was the McGreevey case.
The ex-N.J. governor and his wife took their domestic discord before a judge, and the revelations were equally salacious.
Maybe we'll soon be treated to another, given the recent reports that baseballer Alex (A-Rod) Rodriguez has been cozying up to Madonna only to have his wife hit back by spending 100G while bunking at Lenny Kravitz's Paris pad.
What explains cases like these soaking up the spotlight? The answer: Narcissism. His and hers.
"Why has everyone seemed to lose the focus - the best interests of two young children?" asked David N. Hofstein, of Hofstein Weiner & Levit, a recognized leader in the domestic bar.
"We should never forget the thousands of litigants every day who cannot afford lawyers, let alone try their cases in the press, and are dealing with the most difficult of circumstances regarding their children, including lack of the basic necessities, including food and shelter and are confronted with alcoholism, drug abuse, physical abuse . . .
"If the press and the public spent as much energy on those issues, maybe we could really make a difference in children's lives."
While the pundits bemoan the hardships the warring spouses are enduring, I think they're enjoying the attention. After all, it was Cook who challenged the couple's pre-nup in the first place. And then it was Brinkley, despite her stated desire to settle the dispute privately, who pushed to keep the proceedings open to the public and the media.
I don't know how she looks when she's testifying, but Brinkley has looked stunning walking into court every day. At 54, she's still got it. Seems like the only thing that's changed is the location of her runway. *
Listen to Michael Smerconish weekdays 5-9 a.m. on the Big Talker, 1210/AM. Read him Sundays in the Inquirer. Contact him via the Web at www.mastalk.com.