ANNA NICOLE'S TOXIC MOTHERHOOD
February 15, 2007
Michael Smerconish
I'M ABOUT TO violate my mother's edict about not saying
anything if you can't say something nice. I bet your mother had the same edict,
but somebody has to say this. And it's about mothers:
Little Dannielynn is better off without hers.
It's a horrible assessment, I know, and, offered so close to
her mom's death, I'm sure it's in the worst of taste. But it's true.
We all know somebody not cut out to be a parent. Anna Nicole
Smith was in that category, and despite the money she'll inherit, her daughter
was just a member of the unlucky sperm club.
And who knows, maybe her future just changed for the better.
To put it bluntly, mom was a glamour-seeking druggie in a
world of misfits and wannabes.
Disagree? I defy you to take a look at the cast of
characters parading on "Entertainment Tonight" and show me someone
close to her who looks normal.
Her son was already a victim of that world. Maybe the baby
would have been next.
It was all so predictable. Smith's reality show showed her
in a constant stupor, barely able to speak. The tabloids reported that Smith
had been recently found floating face down in the swimming pool of a house
where she was staying. People who saw her in the days leading up to her death
said she was boozing hard.
She was a falling-down drunk with a five-month-old little
girl.
How harsh, you may think. I can hear you saying that Smith
was like others who get caught in a tragic state because of losing a loved one,
in her case, her 20-year-old son, Daniel. "There but for the grace of God
go I," right? But hold on.
A friend of Smith's, Laurie Payne, has been quoted as saying
that Smith had taken methadone and other drugs while pregnant. But Daniel died
three days after
the baby was born - meaning that any drug use during the pregnancy was not the
result of grieving for the loss of her son.
And it also means Anna was not suited for motherhood.
Here's hoping the child comes out of the money-grubbing
paternity circus that's already started in the hands of a court-appointed
guardian who can remove her from an environment where old geezers marry porn
stars with inflated breasts, where methadone and Slim-Fast are more plentiful
in the fridge than orange juice, and where the question of "Who's your
daddy?" requires more work than the 9/11 Commission.
And speaking of daddies, they look like slim pickings. First
there is a Howard K. Stern (love that middle initial), who allegedly flushed
down the toilet two pills that spilled from Daniel's jeans after he was found
dead. Then there's Larry Birkhead, a freelance photographer, and Alex Denk,
Smith's chef-turned-bodyguard who joined the paternity party on Tuesday.
Meanwhile, there's speculation that the sperm which created
Dannielynn came from J. Howard Marshall II, the Texas billionaire, after his
death. (He married her hooters, she married his wheelchair - and his bank
account.) Finally, there's Prince Frederic von Anhalt, who's married to
somebody who could have been from "Green Acres." I think maybe it's
Arnold.
It's a world ill-suited for a five-month-old to be a part
of, and a young woman to grow up in.
But such is the world that "celebrities" like Anna
Nicole Smith wander in these days, where you're famous for being famous.
It doesn't matter that Britney can't sing or Paris can't
act, because news is what happens when you stumble out of a nightclub at 4 a.m.
It's the state of American celebrity, baby.
One that Dannielynn is better off staying away from.
Listen to Michael Smerconish
weekdays 5:30-9 a.m. on the Big Talker, 1210/AM. Read him Sundays in the
Inquirer. Contact him via the Web at www.mastalk.com.