Michael
Smerconish | GAYS & THE GOLDEN RULE
MIKE RICCHINI was still upset when I spoke to him a few days ago about
something that happened just before Christmas.
His daughter, Jenna, a 9-year-old third-grader at Vanzant Elementary in
Evesham Township, came home and reported to her parents that her class would be
watching a video the next day about children with "two mommies and two
daddies."
Ricchini was angry and told the school principal so. "These are
third-graders. There is no reason they should be watching videos on same-sex
marriage," he told me. He also said he thought the parents were given
insufficient notice of the showing of the video. His daughter stayed home the
following day.
I was curious to see what caused his angst. Parts of the video, called
"That's a Family!" are available online at http://www.womedia.org/thatsafamily.htm. The sequence that offended Ricchini
begins with 9-year-old "Abby" talking about her two mommies, Betty
and Kim. They are shown together at the beginning of a montage that shows
several same-sex couples with their children.
While it's the same-sex stuff that's gotten all the attention, this is
not only a video preaching tolerance for gay and lesbian parents. Also featured
are divorced, mixed race, adoptive, guardianship and single-parent families.
I know Ricchini spoke for many when he told me that this subject was
best left to parents. He also said he should've been alerted by more than his
daughter's comments. Jeanne Smith, the Evesham public information officer, said
that at the beginning of the school year, parents were notified of the school's
health curriculum, but she acknowledged that the video was not explicitly
discussed.
That's a mistake. The controversy was predictable and parents should
have been specifically advised of the content.
I'm also inclined to agree with Ricchini that this is the stuff of
parenting, not teaching. But the question is whether parents are fulfilling
that responsibility. And in an effort to teach our children tolerance, do we
need to have a specific conversation about gays and lesbians?
In my case, with three young sons 6, 9 and 10, I had not had a
gay-specific conversation with any of them. But now I have, using "That's
a Family" in my lesson plan. I found that having a discussion about the
Evesham controversy was a valuable means of covering the underlying issue as
well as the parenting and teaching controversy.
My 9-year-old was unfazed about the matter. After we watched the same-sex
clips of the video, he told me that he believed the airing was
"unnecessary." He said he believes that the people in the video are
covered by the golden rule.
I shouldn't have been surprised. He grew used to singing about the
golden rule in his Montessori school. At school functions, we parents would get
teary watching the kids singing "Do unto others as you would have them do
unto you... live the golden rule."
And I think that about covers it. If you raise your children to treat
people well, you don't need to be sexuality-, gender-, race- or
religion-specific.
I chatted with Debra Chasnoff, who directed "That's a Family!"
I told her my theory, shared by my son, of that message being incorporated into
the golden rule.
She disagreed.
"When I walked into one of the classrooms that was going to use
'That's a Family!' and I asked a question about gays, kids immediately started
telling me about all the anti-gay names they hear. Our children are in school
environments where they are getting a barrage of information about gay people.
Unfortunately, most of it is very negative, and it is going unchallenged."
"Dennis and Dave" seem to agree with me. They are two radio
listeners, and daddies, who are raising a son in South Jersey. "Do we
think that this has to be taught in the schools? Not necessarily. But isn't
this the perfect opportunity for parents to address this issue with their
children and not hide it from them?"
In my case, it certainly was.
Michael Smerconish can be heard
weekdays 5:30-9 a.m. on the Big Talker, 1210/AM. Contact him via the Web at www.mastalk.com.